Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Big Cyberpunk 2077 Updates Were Thought To Be Done, But 2.3 Patch Launches Soon - GameSpot

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Scientists Uncover Giant 33-Foot Dinosaur That Could Redefine Jurassic Evolution - Indian Defence Review

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

You are like me, then.

Why is the concept of pumping water uphill not commonly used as a source of electricity generation, similar to pumped-hydro systems?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

The sadness was still there.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

To a flat Earther, what's wrong with the idea that gravity is simply a force inherent to space which operates only in one dimension? Why do they go further and try to deny gravity rather than just saying it's different than physicists claim?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

It’s here now, writing to you.

What are some common medications prescribed for anxiety while traveling?

Be who you already are.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry take kids to Disneyland and the family photos are magical - HOLA

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s still here.

Have you ever accidentally found out that you were about to be fired?

And the sadness?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

I was tired of fighting.

Tahini Is The High Protein Food You Can Eat Every Day—With Almost Everything - Vogue

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

I had run out of hope.

Have you ever had a bad gut feeling about someone and it was right?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

I was tired of trying and failing.